If you think the thought of the fridge being in the living room all week is making me twitchy then you don't know me at all! (sarcasm)

Had a little bit of everything this weekend. Plumbing emergencies, bleeding mouths, teeball, Grandma and Grandpa's house, lots and lots of takeout, and through it all, Ryan was tiling our kitchen floor. We've wanted to tile the kitchen and the adjoining bathroom and laundry room and replace the gross, cracked brown vinyl ever since we moved in and figured that two months before the new baby and right now before I start on the hardest work thing I've done in a long time is the perfect time to tear the kitchen apart.

You may remember that we figured it was also the perfect time to tear the upstairs apart before James was born. We moved into this house during the first trimester of Wes's pregnancy. I did my qual during month eight of Charlie's. So this is more of an unsettling pattern than a crazy whim, I would say.

Saturday was teeball and as I was running around upstairs trying to find everyone's shoes I noticed a worse-than-usual smell coming from the boys' bathroom. I peeked in to find the whole toilet STUFFED with an entire unspooled roll of toilet paper. I knew it was Wes immediately, because it's the third time he's done it this month. This time there was no mercy. I sat on the bathroom counter and watched him pick every last piece out with an old pair of grill tongs that we will be keeping just in case this ever happens again. When he said "This is so gross, there's POOP in here!" I didn't even look up from the cuticle I was fussing with and said "That is why we use a normal amount of toilet paper, so we can FLUSH POOP DOWN THE TOILET." OMG you guys, the smell was unimaginable. I think it had been sitting there all night. He continued to work until it was all out then I threw the whole trash can into the big trash can outside. Parenting tip: bathroom trash cans from Ikea are only $3. We've already been through six.

I took all the kids to teeball alone because usually whoever isn't playing in the game plays on the playground the whole time and it's really not that hard to keep track of everyone and I wanted to give Ryan those two hours to work on the floor. The first game went really well. Wes played great and had a great time and got a nice cupcake at the end. Then during the second game (Charlie's) he and James were in the tube slide together and James whipped Wes in the face with his teeball metal. I heard the scream and saw Wes start to move toward the exit to the slide, but didn't really know how bad it was until he turned to face me and I saw the blood running down his chin like a zombie. I was ready to dramatically rip Charlie out of his game to take him to urgent care, but when he finally let me touch him the bleeding had almost stopped completely and I could see that the scratch wasn't too awful. He wanted to go back to the playground and James looked contrite after I gave him the "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO YOUR BROTHER!" routine so I just let it go. Turned out to be no big deal. Except for a lot of blood left on his chin that he wouldn't let me clean off.

That afternoon we had lunch with Charlie's team and a trip to the splash pad with all the kids and one of Charlie's friends. I'll tell you what, four kids is a lot to keep track of on a splash pad. Do you even know how many blue and red rash guards there are out there? A LOT. Next time, I am buying all orange. I had a lot of time to think about this as I stood there in the sun counting to four over and over for forty-five minutes. Even James is apparently now confident enough to zip off across the splash pad to mix it up with kids three times his age. Probably because of his forty-eight months of personal care skills.

Today my mom invited us over after church and after the outdoorsy chaos of Saturday it was so nice to have everyone together inside an air conditioned house doing puzzles and watching movies. A little breath-in time for all my Waldorf friends. We needed it.

Ryan has worked for two days solid on the tile and is about halfway done. The part that is over by the table looks beautiful and I can't wait to see the finished product. Unfortunately what is standing between me and that great moment is an unknown number of days prepping meals in the dining room and storing the fridge in the living room. I put the pads on the nice dining room table and wrapped it in a vinyl tablecloth so the kids don't destroy it but I wasn't able to do anything for the carpet. I should be able to use the counter tomorrow to "cook", but we can't get any food in between the tiles so until they're grouted (next weekend?), there will be no eating in the kitchen. Or breathing in the kitchen. Or walking. Why don't you just climb out that window and go potty in the back yard, OK?


Kids are incredibly helpful with the tilework.

Friday Fast Blog

So!  Today is the first official day of work for my research students this summer.  I have never done this before.  Usually I only inflict my incompetence on my own family, so this is new.  I was really impressed with all the questions they had to ask about the papers I gave them to read and their enthusiasm for the subject.  Never thought I'd hear someone say "That paper about the decay of hurricane winds over a narrow island was really cool!"  But yes!  I agree with you!  Go with that!  I need to reread that paper!

I like these guys a lot and I think it's going to be a great summer.  We spent a couple of hours in my office downloading all the software they will need and then I sent them on their way to "figure out how it works" for the rest of the day.  This side of the desk is pretty awesome, not gonna lie.

I have not worked all week because our nanny has been out of town and I thought it would be a good time to whip the house into shape so we can coast for the rest of the summer.  It's been kind of a mixed bag.  I've done a bunch of laundry and cleared out the nursery closet.  I also gathered an entire tall kitchen bag of trash from the upstairs that does not include what was in the trash cans, so that's nice.  Every time I walk around the upstairs now I marvel at how much less it looks like a crackhouse in the opening scene of Law and Order.  Related, I've started making my bed again.

But on the flip side, last night I fell asleep while the kids were watching TV and woke up (in a puddle of drool) only moments before it was time to leave for teeball practice (the last one thank goodness).  So there was no dinner.  None at all.  I had to call Ryan and ask him to bring Sonic to the field.  MOTY.

Today began with a giant Wes and James fight/meltdown that lasted from the time Ryan and Charlie left until pretty much the moment they were strapped into their seats, out of hitting range of each other.  This on the only day this week that I actually needed to take a shower and look presentable.  I muddled through with a mixture of locking James in the bathroom with me, threats about turning off the TV, and doing a really half-assed job of getting ready.  Fortunately I remembered deodorant at the last minute and ran (an exaggeration if there ever was one) up the stairs to take care of it just as James took off a shoe and threw it at Wes as retribution for Wes taking the chair closest to the TV.  Thank goodness I can look however I want to at school because yoga pants and Ryan's old teeshirt were looking like a viable option for several minutes there (I managed a skirt and tshirt.  BARELY).

Also, yesterday I bought Charlie a new booster seat so Wes can have his old one (he packed on four pounds seemingly overnight and is now well above the forty pound recommendation for a high backed booster, also, leaning into the back of the van to unbuckle him was almost definitely going to send me into preterm labor, this is a good change).  James moved up to Wes's big Britax and just for grins I left his big clunky toddler seat strapped into the middle of my car.  That's FOUR carseats in my car at the moment.  CAN YOU EVEN?!

After that moment of verclemptedness I put James down for a nap and when I walked downstairs Charlie was sitting at the island making himself a PB&J and a glass of OJ for a snack like like some kind of independent human person.  So awesome.  Also, whathowwhen?

Oh, and I really need to go get the boys, but remind me sometime to tell you about James's ENT visit, which involved the doctor pulling approximately seven ounces of wax out of James's left ear.  He ACTUALLY SAID "Well, this could be part of the problem" with regards to James's speech delay.  So not only are we not talking to him enough, HIS EARS ARE FULL OF WAX.  James screamed his way through the procedure and it was about the most horrible thing I've ever had to do to him.  Still waiting for him to start speaking in complete sentences.


Pretty sure he's saying "shhhhhhoooooooeeeeee" here.

The holiday Charlie calls "Dia de Mama"

Fun Mother's Day around here. Fun weekend really. Really the only bad thing was that we had to take Charlie to after hours care to see a doctor because he whacked his head on the playground Thursday at school and has had headaches on and off ever since and has a huge bruise on the back of his head. Turns out he has a very (VERY) mild concussion (he had to do, no lie, a field sobriety test, which he passed thank goodness, I mean, it was only one beer over dinner!) that should stop bothering him by the end of next week. And he hasn't complained about it since then, especially since it got him out of teeball Saturday morning, so I guess he's feeling better.

We spent the rest of the day having my mom over for a Mother's Day lunch and going to my niece's dance recital (adorable) before heading to my sister's for pie and baby pool time. A perfectly nice, relaxing day.

Today began with a flurry of handmade crafts from Charlie and Wes. Those kids were busy. And sweet! Wes made me a potholder with "A picture of me and you and two hearts because we love each other" (he kills me) and Charlie with a nice card, several pictures, and a personal interview about me. (What does mom like? Tacos. What does Mom not like? When I don't follow directions. Indeed.). Such incredibly nice kids. I am so lucky.

After that we went to my new favorite taco place for breakfast (ha. I really do love tacos right now) where I explained to Ryan that for my present I wanted to order a migas taco and a brownie and I didn't want anyone to ask for a bite or judge me. Everyone cooperated (except James who kept trying to narc me out about the brownie hidden in my purse by yelling "eat! eat! mmmmm! mmmm!" So glad we are teaching him to talk) and breakfast was yummy and funny and great.

After that we did the usual Sunday School-church gauntlet of shh shh shh stop playing with that face forward you do NOT want me to take you out of here and then went home for James's nap and lunch.

But my FAVORITE part of the day was when we packed up a picnic dinner and headed to the natural spring swimming pool here. The kids have never been, but it is a place Ryan and I love and have spent lots of time (pre-kid time, obviously).

I thought to take a "before" picture, which is good because at the end everyone's lips were blue.



James was happy to stay on the ramp, but had to wear his lifejacket because there are three of them and only one ablebodied kid-chaser.



Sometimes he got thirsty.



Wes got braver and braver and eventually walked way out to the middle with Charlie. It was up to his chest and the water is FREEZING.



Charlie paddled around for some time before he ran past me saying "I don't trust this water!" and wrapping up in two towels.



When you say "Who wants to go eat our picnic?" James says "MEEEEEEE!" and raises his hand.



We had a picnic overlooking the pool (the kids had standard lunch fare, but Ryan brought me a caprese salad sandwich for the holiday)...



...then watched teenagers show off to each other on the diving board and then just when I thought we were home free, all three kids said "Let's get back in the pool!" So we trooped back down there and everyone (but me! hooray!) jumped back into the freezing water for a last quick dip before we left. The sun was setting and we had the place to ourselves. So much fun. We changed them into jammies for the ride home and stuck 'em right in bed as soon as we arrived (we were out so late! On a school night! Can you tell we're ready for summer to come already?!). Couldn't have asked for a better weekend!

A boy of many skills

MLS betrayal

Last week Ryan went out of town for work.  He was only gone for one night and came home late the next day, after kid bedtime.  But when the cat is away, the mice will play, as they say, and while my sweet, loving, hard-working husband was freezing his buns off working outside all day in the unseasonably cold weather, just trying to earn us a decent living and some health insurance, I was sitting in our comfortable living room engaged in the most treacherous act of betrayal.

I was browsing real estate online.

It started innocently enough, with a joke on Facebook that if Ryan didn't come home soon I was going to find a five bedroom house for us so I could lock everyone in their own cells at night instead of listening to the frat party that happens in Charlie and Wes's room every night.  I wasn't actually expecting to find anything.

There is a lot we love about our current house.  It's a good size, we have a big yard, we live on a quiet street with a culdesac at the end, which gives the kids a ton of freedom outside.  I don't know what I would do without that freedom, honestly, their energy level would be completely unmanageable.  Both of our commutes are pretty easy and the grocery store is very close by.

There are only two things I would change about our house if I could.  Since we are adding a sixth person to the family, I would love to have a second living area.  Our current arrangement is working well, but the big kids aren't going to go to bed at 7:30 forever.  It might happen that there will be nights when some of us want to read a book and some of us want to watch a movie and some of us want to play a game (DANG that's a lot of "some of us-es").  Or have a friend or two over.  Or watch something rated PG, where people can say "hell" and there isn't an NSF-mandated educational component.

The second thing, and this is the biggest thing for me, is that we are twenty-ish minutes from our church.  And we are there ALL. THE. TIME.

The kids' preschool is there (2 visits a day, 3 days a week), children's choir is there (dropoff/pickup one time per week), then of course there is Sunday morning, monthly board meetings, social gatherings, family nights, and mom club.  And in the future we will add any number of kid activities to that.  That's a lot of commuting.

So I looked.  And I found a house.  It's beautiful.  And it's five minutes from church.  And it has three living areas.  And don't get me started on the counter space.  And it's two minutes from my sister's house and twenty minutes closer to my parents.

I texted my sister.  "I am in love with a house down the street from yours."  She asked me for the MLS.  A few minutes later she replied "DO IT!!  We have great schools and they're all really close!"  She is an enabler.

So I left it up on my computer and mentioned it casually to Ryan, who checked it out and said to me, "It's very nice", before changing the subject.  Undeterred by his clear desire for me to LET IT GO, I sent him an email the next day breezily asking him if he'd like me to set up a showing this weekend, just to take a look.  He responded almost immediately with "I'm not ready for that."  No "Sorry," no "love you, see you at home," no "let's talk about it later."  He SHUT IT DOWN.

But I just couldn't make myself close that tab on my browser.  And today on my way home from preschool dropoff I drove past The House.  It was a mistake, I realize, now that I can't stop thinking about the beautiful live oak tree in the front yard and the long, flat driveway just begging for a basketball goal.

But.  I have to stop the madness.  Instead of mentally arranging our furniture in the beautiful sun-lit, wood-floored family room, I will think about how nice it will be not to have to get our own house ready to sell.  Instead of making passive aggressive comments about how nice it would be to have a shower on the first floor, I will think about how lovely it is to not have to pay two mortgages and stay up all night wondering if our current house will ever sell.

 I mean, I think we have enough stressful life events in the offing.  Why go seeking out more?  Possibly for three living areas and hours of my life not spent in the car, but just think of all the things the kids are learning spending twenty-four hours a day within touching distance of each other.  And who can put a price on the ability to carry on a conversation with a kid who is sitting on the potty without ever leaving the stove?  So many magical childhood memories.

I love my pregnancy girdle

It might be all the french fries and cookies I've been eating lately or it might be metabolic changes caused by the pregnancy, but for some reason, it would appear that I am carrying the baby in either my upper arms or my ass.  I can assure you, after the eight-ish ultrasounds that I've had this time around, that the baby is front and center, right where she should be.  Which does not explain what is going on with my upper arms when I am grating cheese (for example).

So today I thought I would try to get a workout in.  After spending an undue amount of time cramming myself into my improvised maternity lap-suit--a delightful combination of bikini bottoms, a speedo top, and a men's rashguard top--I managed three laps before my hip and pelvis pain forced me out of the water.

OK then.

While I washed my hair in the gym shower, a process that took longer than my entire workout, I wondered with dismay how in the world I was going to get through the next fourteen weeks hobbling around like a geriatric penguin.  And then I remembered that my doctor had said a maternity support belt might help.  And that they sell such belts at a little store across the street from one of my favorite places to have lunch.  Suddenly the laundry I had planned to do during the rest of preschool time did not seem as urgent.

So I drove downtown to the little store and let a lady take me into the dressing room and show me the way around a maternity support belt.  It was super awkward but I was grateful for the help.  There were many pieces, each one sexier than the last, what with all the medical-grade nude-colored velcro and elastic.

But once everything was in place, she pulled my shirt discreetly down around the device and suggested I take a walk around the store to see how I liked it.

And I practically re-enacted Gene Kelly's dance routine from Singing in the Rain.  Had there been a lamppost it really might have happened.

It felt GREAT.  Instead of feeling a painful stabby BOOM BOOM BOOM impact on my pelvis with every step I felt a much more manageable lingering dull pain.  It didn't feel like everything was trying to shake itself loose as I walked!  This was great news.  We tried a few more models to figure out which was best and then I plunked down my credit card.  I had to waddle back to my car, but I put the belt back on once I got there.  Out in the parking lot.  Klassy.  Also worth it.

After that I had a club sandwich and some iced tea out in the sunshine all by myself while exchanging amusing texts with a friend.

Me: "OMG you should see this contraption I had to buy.  It's a GIRDLE.  Feels so good I could cry.  I freaking love my girdle."

Friend:  "I am at H&M.  I do not belong here.  30 minutes for one $6 tank top and the absolute destruction of my self-image."

Me: "Holy geez, STEP AWAY FROM THE HIPSTERS."

Friend:  "Who wears this stuff anyway?  So is it like a support belt?"

Me:  "Hairdressers, mostly.  And yes.  I need additional support.  Like an aging concrete bridge."

Friend:  "You're way funnier than an aging concrete bridge."

etc...

Then after my lunch, I had extra time!  And I could WALK COMFORTABLY.  So I went to the GAP in the same shopping center.  Where I found a cute, summer weight infinity scarf for 50% off!  I also scored a copy of Gone Girl at a used book store for more than sixty percent off the list price.  WALKING IS AMAZING!!!!

So then I stood up for an hour on the playground, rested during the kids' two afternoon shows, and then got all wild and crazy and made stuffed shells for dinner, which I think was overdoing it because now I'm in my bed at eight PM letting Ryan bring me cookies and glasses of water while he straightens the downstairs and washes clothes.  I am soaking it up now because he will be out of town later this week and I'll have to put the kids to bed alone AND get my own cookies.  Thankfully I have mah girdle to get me through.

A different kind of perfect weekend

Due to an unusual confluence of events, this weekend was a little on the overscheduled side.  To most people, it would probably have been fine, by Ryan's and my natural inclination is to ignore the kids until about eight while we sleep late, have a leisurely breakfast at home, turn on the TV for the kids while we linger over our coffee in the kitchen for another thirty minutes or so, then putter around in the back yard until Sonic happy hour, MAYBE swing by Goodwill on the way home to look for deals, then grill something for dinner.  Perfect Saturday.

In contrast, this Saturday began with a teeball double header from 9-11, followed by a friend's birthday party at 2, followed by Ryan's company picnic at a minor league baseball game at 6.  All good things and all things we didn't want to miss.

(I managed to sneak in a Goodwill/Sonic trip BY MYSELF while Ryan stayed home with the big boys and a napping James after teeball and it was GLORIOUS!  I scored an Ann Taylor Loft tiered navy maternity skirt for SEVEN DOLLARS.  Have it on right now.  Feels like jammies.  Total win.  Also got some mom-pris which are pretty great too in a throw-em on with a t-shirt kind of way.)

We dressed the kids like pirates as per the invitation (SO FUN) and sped over there.  As soon as we arrived Charlie and Wes jumped out of the van, ran the entire circumference of their culdesac, and disappeared into their back yard.  I caught up with them thirty minutes later in the bounce house.  We had such a good time that I knew we would long overstay our welcome like we always do and that we would be leaving with at least one screaming child (this happens every time.  We are delightful guests).  Sure enough an hour after the invitation said the party was over and only twenty minutes before the company picnic was set to begin we reluctantly tore ourselves away from our friends. And I do mean "reluctant" and "tear."


Moments after I asked them to "Go find your shoes and say thank you to the hostess, please!"

We stopped briefly at home to get something for the kids to change into that wasn't a pirate costume and that wasn't covered in cake, mud, and juice and then we were on our way to the ballpark. I had about ten minutes of total satisfaction watching the kids get so excited to be at the game, the nice breeze, the warm sun, the happy crowd, the nice hamburger dinner they gave us.

And then we went to our seats to "watch the game" where the freaking bottom fell out and James and Wes had an hour-long deathmatch for the seat next to me while Charlie peppered Ryan with non-stop questions about how the game works (sidenote: all those questions were the highlight of Ryan's YEAR). We made a break for it about halfway through the fourth inning.

(Another sidenote: We ran into some friends from church as we were dragging (literally in at least one case) three unwilling children up the steps and out of the stadium.  Today when we saw them at church the wife said "I didn't realize you were having another baby, what great news!  You guys are such laid-back parents, I know it'll be great!" which I thought was generous given that the last time they'd seen us I was dangling a four year old by one arm saying "WALK.  PUT YOUR FEET DOWN AND WALK RIGHT NOW OR THERE WILL BE NO STORIES TONIGHT.")

And then today, we had church (another situation from which Wes had to be bodily removed for egregious behavior issues), then I had lunch with a friend, a really wonderful scientist friend that I've known since high school.  After we discussed my summer research I told her "That conversation was so wonderfully refreshing I feel as though I've taken a nap!".  She came over after lunch and showed the kids the engine of her hybrid-electric car and showed them how to check the oil.  You can see why she's one of my favorite people!

Once she left we had about ten minutes to get ready for Charlie's choir spring show at 4.  As is our custom, we were ten minutes late dropping him off to warm up and all just a little annoyed at each other, but we had a great time and the kids did a really good job.  Charlie is so proud of his choir and I love when we can go watch as a family.

So that was fun, but bedtime was a MAJOR hassle and the week is about to start again and I never thought I'd say this but I am kind of looking forward to the end of school and it's attendant 6:00 alarm clock.