I was having a great day today, feeling pretty in my black maxi skirt and black fitted tshirt, my hair finally long enough to throw up in a loose bun like everyone else in the universe does. right after lunch I figured out a tricky problem I'd been having all week with some Matlab code I'm writing for a new project. The new project was turning out to be challenging but manageable. I was looking forward to taking the kids to the dentist and then having dinner with my parents.
I was starting to get sleepy so I walked over to the library for a book I needed about Extreme Value Analysis and enjoyed the sunny, warm afternoon. This has been a really exceptional spring--86 in late May is UNHEARD of. Gorgeous.
I found my book and checked out and was headed for the door when I saw a woman I knew from a workshop I did last summer. I smiled in greeting and was just about to say hello when she peered around the books I was holding and said it.
"Hi! Ooh! Baby on the way?"
chirp chirp chirp
"No." I said, curling my lips around my teeth and biting down, HARD.
chiiiiiirrrrp chiiiiiiirrrp chiiiiiiiirp
I tried to leave but she continued talking and some horrible quirk of my polite upbringing kept me rooted to that spot.
"Heh heh heh" polite smile. I NEED TO LEAVE. I NEED TO LEAVE RIGHT NOW.
"How old is the baby, now?"
"She's nine months." Flat. Emotionless. Bordering on rude. Eyebrows inching their way up my forehead and over the top of my skull.
"Well, it took me FOR-EV-ER to get the weight off after my last baby."
Me: now visibly horrified, mouth slightly agape.
"I mean, not the WEIGHT, but you know."
Silently: No, actually, I'm not sure what you are referring to, please go on.
She reached out to pat my arm but by then I was running out of the building, books clutched over my stomach like a thirteen year old girl.
I made it back to my office in record time and slammed my door for the cathartic Sending of Indignant Texts and Emails. Within minutes my phone and inbox were full of "WTF?!" and "NO EFFING WAY DO YOU LOOK PREGNANT!" and my personal favorites, from Ryan:
"Did you say to her 'LOOKS LIKE YOU STILL HAVE A LITTLE MORE WORK TO DO. BOOM!''
and from my friend C:
"We should be daydrinking together right now."